5 Lesson Learnt After #Narcissistic #Relationship Ends!

When a man or woman suffers from a condition named Narcissistic Personality Disorder, they display patterns of deviant or abnormal behavior that are so terrible, that they create carnage on those people who are unfortunate enough to have a close relationship with them.

The first steps in getting over a relationship with a genuine narcissist are to realize that they have a personality disorder that leaves them incapable of being a supportive partner.1 The second is to understand that this isn’t your problem to fix. Not only that, you can’t fix it: putting up with their tantrums, manipulations, and emotional unavailability only indulges them. This is an issue that needs professional help, and fixing it is the narcissist’s hill to climb.

Your job is to heal, move on, and, when you’re ready, find the healthy relationship you're worthy of. And, in a weird way, this is where dating a narcissist can help. By showing you what you shouldn't be putting up with, a relationship with a narcissist can teach you what it is you really want, need, and deserve from love:

1. You end up stronger than ever: Loving a narcissist is hard. Moving on and rediscovering yourself is even harder. But, in that process, you get to find out just how strong you are. You learn that you weren’t a fool for being sucked in. You learn that even the smartest, kindest people are susceptible to a narcissist’s charming lies. Most of all, you learn that one bad relationship doesn’t doom you forever; in fact, it teaches you how to spot the most subtle red flags and instead seek the mutually beneficial, supportive love that you really do deserve. And that’s a lesson worth learning.

2. You understand that you can’t please everyone: It is very hard to please a narcissist. They feel that they deserve perfection, and demand it from their partners, not showing pleasure unless things are done the right way – which, of course, is their way.7 Here’s what you learn, though: if you can never reach their impossibly high standards, why try? Why not please yourself instead? And, if that feels good, then why not reject the one who only wants an ego-prop and finds a partner who likes your version of you?

3. You teach yourself how to set firm boundaries: If you date a narcissist, you find that they try and shape people to make themselves look better. For instance, narcissists who think that their partner’s looks reflect their own dating success will show annoyance if that partner dresses in a way the narcissist doesn't approve of. Moving on from this means becoming aware of how their tactics can push you where you don't want to be and so you become vigilant about setting (and sticking to) your boundaries.

4. You rediscover the importance of a life outside your relationship: Narcissists are the hothouse flowers of the dating world; beautiful, showy, and always in need of attention. They use tactics like guilt-tripping to keep this attention and stop those they date from having their own hobbies and friends.5 After you’ve moved on from them, however, you rediscover just how necessary it is to fulfill your own needs too, and you see the value of those who encourage you to be a happy, well-rounded partner rather than a one-track devotee.

5. You find a new appreciation for vulnerability: For a classic narcissist, emotional vulnerability is akin to weakness, meaning that they suppress it in themselves and make their partners feel needy for not doing the same. Yet, dating a narcissist shows you that this sort of thinking is a roadblock for relationship progression: if you can’t be vulnerable with someone (and accept their vulnerabilities in turn), you can never achieve emotional intimacy and the trust, love, and security that come with it.

Do you have any experience with a narcissist? Comment below and share your story?

Credit: Elite Singles