For the #Woman Who is "Too Much"

The last few months have been a #beautiful and transforming to self...I mean I have gone from one stage to another of personal growth. I have met many people and one thing that kept coming as I sat down and reflected on the kind of conversation this word kept dancing in my ears "too much"Every time I had that word  said to me by someone it brought me to the thoughts am I too much of a woman to handle, too hard to #love, too much to hold, too much to be around, too much to #kiss.

Men seem to be attracted to the idea of me. Don't get it twisted, I am a natural charmer, independent, very attractive, kind-hearted and then its always one word too much. I remember a guy saying to me one time, I am fascinated by your level of intelligence its very attractive and you are very attractive but you are too fat for me? Mind you I am "size 8 UK" okay I responded and continued to discuss different topics about human connection. Another one said, "too quick to jump into a relationship" in a society we live now women should be able to be clear with her needs and want and not go around the bush and settle for something that isn't reciprocated or worth her precious time.

I am starting to lose count of the too much, my mom used to tell I am too opinionated, some other people said I am too blunt, too direct, too aggressive, too strong, too confident, too sexual, too risky, too bossy, too bitchy, too bold, too sensitive, too emotional  these are some of the words I live by with every little encounter with fellow humans. But the sweetest part of it all is that I am too proud of being too much of a woman. Screw peoples opinions!

I embrace being too much, My friend Julie told me Rahab standards are very important, when you expect little then you will get little. Put your bar on top and people will work hard to climb it even if it's too much. You are not meant for everyone! Refuse to sit on the small chair, go claim your crown and sit on it!!

After all this, I have learned that I was born to glitter, sparkle enough to blind any negative eye that's pushing through my way.  To me, being a too much woman means being unapologetically, fiercely, and wholeheartedly you. I was born to live a life that is firmly entrenched in the beauty that lights me up and makes me feel alive.

I am the kind of woman that refuses to give up on herself. I am the force of nature, a summer storm come to rattle the Earth. I am a car going 90 in a 60 mph zone and the loud, booming laughter that bubbles from deep in my inner core. I am bigger than the world expects me to be. I am the woman whos ready to share herself with the world but will not quiet my heart. I do not have to apologize for the full magnitude of the person that I am. I will not apologize for having needs and voicing them, even though I know I’ll be viewed as too bitchy or too outspoken and that is alright. I am the woman that knows she can’t change the world right away, but she can create a space in it that will make her happy, and by staying true to myself I can make a difference in the world.

Women, we have been shrunk by social conditions for a very long time now, made to believe that we are a burden when we are true gifts. They tell us that we are “too much” because they don’t know how to tell the truth — that they are the ones who lack the ability to feel the way you do. Maybe they know, deep down, that they don’t deserve someone like you.

Because we love so, so much — unapologetically, unconditionally. we care to our very core. we are the kind of women who feel everything so acutely, whether that be happiness or hurt. Others cannot understand the depths of our emotion. It scares them. Sometimes it scares me, too. They’ve made us believe that it should. Sometimes I wish I could just change, to be like all the other girls they tell me is “just enough.”  then my friends' word Amber comes to me ( you are unique, a unicorn) Sometimes, I just want to be anyone else but me.

But don’t listen to those voices — not theirs, not yours. Don’t let them get the best of you. Don’t let them convince you that you are anything short of perfect. You are acceptable. You are needed.  I want all of us women to continue being us everyone who read this and can relate, I want you to feel too much, love too much, need too much, keep your standard as it is!!

I am the kind of woman that when I put my step to the floor the devil crawls back and says " Shit!! the too bitchy is up again!! :)  I am the too much woman who doesn’t hold herself back. I am the woman who has learned how to love herself. Being a woman means loving yourself when the rest of society says you’re too fat, too muscular, too skinny, too dark, too much. I am the woman who chooses herself. I love all my too-muchness, and I know one day, I will find the love I crave for.

The only way to get that confidence going is to learn to love them too much in me as well the too much in you dear reader. While I have been considered by people I have met that I am too stuck up and will end up alone, I just know that I WILL NEVER SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN MY HEART DESIRES! And if being myself and knowing what I want is being too much so be it! There are so many people out there in this world who barely know what they want! So I am very lucky to have that knowledge and I embrace it!

DEAR WOMEN, fall into people. Tell them what you think. Tell them that you love them, damn it, don’t be freaking afraid. Speak what you are looking for, Claim your throne. Kiss them until their fear melts away. Hug until your heart no longer hurts. Explore things and share dreams and never apologize for the pounding in your chest. You are a rare kind of beauty people will spend lifetimes searching for. You are lightning in a bottle, a once-in-a-century phenomenon. You are perfect “too much.” You are the perfect amount. And you should stand by your power of "too much".